Friday, January 29, 2010

Pickled Hens of Ponte Vedra....THE REST OF THE BROOD

So, when I left off last time we met the following hens:  Idaho, NinaZenaMontana and MimiMacrame.
Allow me to introduce to you...

Our girl is the spittin' image of Grace Kelly.  Hence the nom de guerre.  Yes.  It is warfare here in the her little world.  You see Grace is fighting her worst enemies. See below.  I don't know who is worse off from the fallout: her, the driving public or me.

Grace is elegant, poised, extremely genteel, intelligent and a wonderful friend.  She does not do the following well. at. all.

DRIVING:  as in a car...anywhere...especially I-285 in Atlanta akaThe Perimeter. I routinely receive phone calls from the road.  I cannot repeat the content as I would be shut down.   (For the record, Idaho, a native Atlantan,  NEVER went outside of 285 until she had to come to my house (free drinks!) 8 yrs ago.  It is considered OTP and undesirable on certain internet match sites OTP=outside the perimeter). BUT I DIGRESS....

TRAFFIC.  as in a car driving..anywhere...especially I-285, fashionable Dunwoody, Buckhead, her neighborhood. Grace too is native and continues to RANT about the time she rode her horse on Peachtree Dunwoody Road...blahblahblah.  I receive even more irate calls on this subject.  sigh.

OVEN CLEANING.  I so wish I had been at her house when this happened.  She was going to bake a poundcake and lots and lots of smoke starting coming out of the oven.  So much smoke that she called 911.
weeelllllllll....2 battalions showed up at her hacienda, swarming all over it like ants on a dropped ho-ho.  the CHIEF walked into the house. and alledgedly this is the way it went:  

CHIEF:  ma'am, where is the fire?
Grace:   ooh, it's in the oven.  I can't open the door or the flames will shoot out!
Chief:   what were you doing?
Grace:  I was trying to bake a lemon pound cake.  All I did was turn on the oven and it started to flame!!!!
**at this point the CHIEF TURNS OFF THE OVEN(!!!!!), opens the door, looks inside and then says:
" Ma'am....have you EVER HEARD OF CLEANING YOUR OVEN???????"
Grace:  You have to clean them?!
***It took her 3 days to tell me and she was oh so casual '''oh did I tell you what happened last week?..."
HORMONES.  This is a blog all on its own.  Trust me.  You will be rewarded for waiting. Promise.

AND now.....

BLONDIE.  She is an adorable brunette with lovely reddish highlights.  A MASTER OF HER UNIVERSE.  But really should have been born blonde.
Blondie is married to Chester.  He is a lifelong friend of Idaho.  I met Chester way back when (again last century)and became friends.  He wisely married Blondie.  We have come to love her even though she comes to the party later (along with Mimi Macrame..they are un-joined cojoined twins). We refer to them as the GLIMMER TWINS.  The tales will follow in another post.

BLondie is funny.  She has a very high powered job, two lovely children, wonderful husband (Chester) and is a big hearted, warm and caring SWEetheart.  She is very very wacky and very blond....
On one of her first visits to PV we had a 'rain event' which kept us indoors most of the time.  Idaho kept the Weather Channel on 24hrs so as not to miss a moment's news. 
Blondie comes in from the rain on the first day and hears the TV.  It is the weather channel's computer-driven voice that used to give the Local weather (1990s technology).  with MUCH SURPRISE IN HER VOICE SHE EXCLAIMS:::::  "ooh, look they have the same Russian guy giving the weather like he does back in Atlanta..."                   ohhhhhh.............Idaho breaks out the blender and we get to work.

Blondie and her Sleeping Habits:  she doesn't EVER GET UNDER THE COVERS. EVER. She is the perfect houseguest.  No, don't bother with changing the sheets, I never even made it to pulling back the covers....has anyone seen my Excedrin?...." more on THAT later too.

BLondie is enthusiastic:  Once, at a U2 concert she was singing and clapping and dancing.  She poked the person in front of her on the back and urged them to .."get up, c'mon you guys, get up and dance..." 
oooooohhhhh...she was standing in front of the HANDICAPPED, WHEELCHAIR-bound glad it was dark and loud.  we don't think anyone heard her. much.

I have more on BLondie and Grace. 
Me you ask?  Oh, I just go for the fellowship and good book reading.  I pale in comparison to my very glamrous friends.  No need to hear about me. Not. at. all.
Glad you stopped by.....xo


DUE TO UNFORESEEN AND TOTALLY F&$($#)$)$ ridiculous u-haul company I will NOT BE at the PRIDE OF DIXIE SHOW THIS WEEKEND.  It is such a clusterf#&$ THAT I cannot even really begin to blog about it.  Needless to say I AM GLAD I HAVE MY shotgun app on my iphone. yay. grrrrrr.

Stay tuned for another installment of the Pickled Hens of Ponte's a doosey for sure.
ox lulu-the-loser-antique-dealer-who-hates-uhaul

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pickled Hens of Ponte Vedra

So, Blogistas since I am now doing my own blog I want to introduce you to my posse.  These ladies and I go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back into last century.  really.  I am that old.
Our annual beach trips started in our EARLY twenties for a bachelorette party.  Boy have we gone through husbands, divorces, children, crises and GREAT TIMES.  We are nearing our 20th anniversary, but as our name mildly implies, we can't precisely remember our inaugural trip year.  We spend 5 days each year at one of the girls' beach joint.  we've honed the entire operation with military precision.  You will learn many things that will have you going...''no way...that couldn't possibly have happened..."  It is all true, in some form or fashion.sorta kinda.maybe.
lulu--that's me---junker, antique dealer, jewelry designer and maker, (the one without a REAL job ;))
Grace, a psychologist
Mimi, interior designer NOT DECORATOR!!!
Suzanne, a banker
Nina, a marketing guru
Blondie, attorney

**THE names have been changed to protect the innocent guilty. And to allow us to continue to fly Delta and be let into the State of Florida.

Let's start with Suzanne.  It is her place we overrun annually.  We call Suzanne 'Idaho'.  She gave herself that nickname.  This is true: Years ago (last century) Suzanne, Nina and I were out at a bar.  Nina arrives last and informs us she is now going by an alias(!). Duh.  If you knew this one, you'd get it. 
"I am Montana", she declares and throws back her blond mane.
 OH HERE WE GO.  There is no end to her drama. 
"Don't you think it fits me?  I have always wanted to go out West." 
Me too but I didn't think naming myself a state was part of the deal.

Suzanne, who got to the bar EARLY, swivels around and says
" Well, Idaho!"
Huh? What? Montana and I give each other a shrug.  IDAHO?
"yes, Idaho.  You da ho'   I da ho'"
oohhh dear. clearly The Great State of Montana and I needed to catch up.  Any way that is how she got her nickname.  She LOVES it.  We do too.  More on nicknames from this particular night later...

Our next chickie is Mimi the Interior DESIGNER.  Not DECORATOR.  I mean she went to school for her degree and by gum she is going to make sure everyone knows.  Mimi is a renaissance chick of the needle arts. Cross stitch, embroidery, knitting etc.  BUT, it was her 'macrame' phase that really pushed the limits.
One year she shows up with a new bikini.  Made from Macrame. She strategically placed wooden thingies over certain parts.  To be fair it was quite cute if you were in an ad from the '70s for Club Med!   Okay so we are on the beach.  We are feeling good.  Looking cute.  Mimi goes in for a swim.  What happened next appeared in the local weekly paper.  I am just thankful the photographer overexposed his film

A strange event happened on the beach this week.  A local fisherman, surf fishing for blues, ended up reeling in more than he bargained for.  It seems he hooked himself a mermaid.  He ended up having to really work for his 'catch'.  After 30 minutes of 'wrasslin' he finally gave one big heave and hauled up a female form all tangled up in what looked like a shrimpers net...

Oh yeah that's our girl!  Note to Mimi.  Heavy gauge hemp/rope chafes, is heavy when wet, doesn't maintain its shape, but it does hold a fishing hook pretty darn good.  yay.  She no longer makes her bikinis. Or stirrup covers.  Yep.  She whipped up some of those as a gift for her gynecologist.  I still don't know how she ended up with a sprained toe during her 'exam' but we don't ask questions about it any more.  She's still kinda touchy about the subject.

Next up is Nina.  aka Montana or our preferred name: Xena, Redneck Princess Warrior.  Yee HAW!
 She is gorgeous with her million dollar smile and tall wonderful legs and beautiful blonde hair. 
One year she came to the beach with a 'fake' tooth.  She was waiting for the permanent one to arrive.  It just happened to be one of her front pearlie whites. 

On the second day there she loses the temp in the sand.  Great.  Can I just say that after the beers and frozen drinks we were well on our way to laughing our asses off at her toofy grin instead of looking for the tooth.
She finds it and goes inside.  We continue to howl at her misfortune like GOOD FRIENDS DO.  The drinks continue to flow and we continue to laugh.  Nina comes down and annouces that the tooth isn't staying in place and does Idaho have any super glue?  It is a sign of heaven that we couldn't find any that night.  It is at this point that we find the tequila and start pouring shots for Xena.  She really needs it.  We really can't stop laughing.       
An aside: First of all she needs to find a REAL dentist and not go to that 'guy who is studying vet dentistry and does it for free cuz he needs real practical hours'.  Hello? UGA Vet School is only 75 miles from horse teeth?  need cleaning? call the Vet school!!!!!   Second of all, we need to find a way to get that damn tooth back in her mouth so she doesn't spoil OUR GOOD TIMES! Priorities! 

It is decided that in the morning we'll call around for a dentist who does Saturday hours.  Good luck with that.   It is then decided that I HAVE TO CALL because I am married to a doctor?!?!  I'm not a doctor...but I am married to one... Nevermind that my husband isn't a dentist.  Or a surgeon.  Or that What Does It Matter Who Calls?  Xena Montana was still sleeping off last night's activities.  We felt bad that we laughed all night long.  I'm pretty sure it was my brilliant idea  that she wear a hot pink burka and white sunglasses outside so no one would see her tooth-less grin that put her over the top.  But I digress.  I make the call.  I put on my best schmooze-y sounding voice and explain the predicament.  He tells me to go buy super glue.  GRRRRR.  So we go buy it.  It doesn't work.  She used gum to keep it in place the rest of the trip.  It is still funny to this day. 

Allright....I know you can't wait for more but I have hand cramps.  I promise I will return tomorrow or the next day with another installment of....
p.s. there are NO photographs as we banned all image-making devices years ago.
ox lulu

Thursday, January 21, 2010

New Year's Resolutions After the Fact...

Greetings, Blogistas!  I know it's the 21st of January(it is, isn't it?)but I just needed to put this out there.  I do not like resolutions.  To me they say "oh c'mon, you don't really mean to stop cussing, drinking or save money?!  And those of you who know me or of me just a bit understand my dilemma.  It all started three weeks ago......(This is where the scene fades to black and ominous-sounding music pipes up.)

Monday, January 4th.
Dear Diary, Well today I woke up feeling much improved.  My cold is almost gone.  I felt so giddy that I decided to do LAUNDRY! YAY!  Just like my mommy taught me I separated the darks, colors and whites.  I was so excited to get started that I put all the darks in the basket and scurried downstairs to my destiny.  I DID NOT STOP AND HAVE COFFEE.   (scary music starts up again here).

10 minutes into my nirvana-esque morning I decide to call Anne on my cell phone.  Hmmm, it isn't in the kitchen.  It isn't in the bedroom or bathroom.  So, calmly I retrace my steps. 
...let's see, I separated clothes, loaded the darks in the basket, put my phone on top of clothes, went downstairs, loaded clothes, turned on washer...w-w-ait, put

I am now in front of my fancy-pants washing machine.  I hear a soft thud-thud-thud.  I run back upstairs.  no phone.  I run back downstairs.  Thud-thud-thud.  uh oh.  I call my phone.  IT GOES DIRECTLY INTO VOICEMAIL.  eeeeeeeillllllllllw.

BUT YOU ARE SAYING...lulu...just open the lid!  CAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T.  I just had to have a front end loader to save energy, water, efficiency. blah blah blah.  The damn machine won't unlock that door for anybody, anything or national emergency. grrr.

Diary, at this point I calmly get dressed and go to the bank.  Surely I am in a parallel universe.  I wouldn't be so BLONDE as to wash my phone, would I and then just carry on? 

20 minutes later I come home and the cycle is over.  I cautiously open the door pulling out my running tights, socks and MY $%*&%$ phone!  It is soooo clean.  I see water inside of the screen.  It won't turn on.
At least it was black and I washed it on the proper temperature would be proud.

I look at my phone and shrug my shoulders.  There is nothing in the world I can do.  I put on my CLEAN running tights and suit up.  I go to the gym (my new favorite place with my new favorite TRAINER.  more on him later) and work out.  I don't cry, I don't cuss, I don't attempt to kick a wall, I don't even try and run over anyone on the road.  I just breathe.

After my 4 mile run I drive to the AT&T store.  I calmly walk in and declare my phone is d-e-d, ded.  When the clerk finally picks herself off of the floor from hysterical fits of laughter I quietly ask her if the SIM card is viable.  It is RIGHT THERE AND THEN that I break a resolution from every year prior since I can remember.....I opted to BUY UP. 
Can you say iPhone??  This is totally cool.  I don't care (much) if someone steals my wallet and credit cards BUT I PITY THE FOOL WHO WOULD STEAL MY iPHONE.  Do you know one can download a SHOTGUN app for free?  You just shake it up/down to load and then point and shoot!!!!  Don't get all righteous on me.  It is very gratifying.  IT HAS SOUND EFFECTS TOO just in case you didn't get my drift...keeeerPOWW

OKAY... so the first resoltion is to RESPOND NOT REACT.  I think I did that very well, don't you?  Actually, it is the only resolution I have.  It lends itself to so many different scenarios.  And I had so many situations last year which I could have RESPONDED instead of REACTED using my friend. So next time I do something bone-headed or someone annoys the vinegar out of me I will just get out my iPhone, shake it up and down and point!  Problem solved!  yay.
HAPPY NEW YEAR and yippeee Kai-aaay ox

Friday, January 15, 2010

New Bling

Just a new bauble or two I have made (new to some of you since I just re-blogged).  Enjoy.  All pieces are available for sale-- US currency only...but no rolled coin, IOUs, confederate money, Monopoly money, bubblegum trading cards. 

The first photos are a choker with hand-wired vintage beads, vintage hand-dyed velvet ribbon and a vintage brooch.
The turquoise Crown&Shield Necklace are two pins combined into one pendant, strung with vintage Japanese glass aurora-borealis beads, turquoise square a-b beads and a strand of vintage costume pearls.
Third piece is from my WONDER WOMAN series of cuff bracelets.  This is hinged cuff bracelet with insets of vintage chandelier crystals and wire.  Centerpiece is a crusty,(=most imperfect) vintage rhinestone pin.
The last necklace is a choker. Freshwater pearls are wired in and around a rose-goldtone chain.  The centerpiece is a 'flower' made of rose quartz with center of a  vintage enamel bird on a nest pin.

The rest of my winter collection can be viewed on Facebook
Not all pieces are still available.  You will have a clearer idea what my pointy little head and little chicken feets has been doing.  As always I take commissions of COM.  Let's talk!

I would  like to thank the following Bling-istas for being inspirations, hostessing my trunk shows, supplying me with goods, etc.  Without your complete and total support I would not have been able to get to this point.  There is still more to do. I love you all.

Anne, muse
Randolyn, muse
Kim & Leeeesah
Kimberlie (for my future Ponte Vedra Trunk Show)
James 'Lovey' Young, co-conspirator of bling
Pat, world's greatest jewelry picker and lovely friend

Everyone who has given me components, looked at,  purchased and/or worn my stuff...thank you!!!! 

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Miz Scarlett I dunno nuthin' bout birthin' no lulu!

Hey! I'm HOME!

yes, it's me it's me, ms. lulu redstar!

AS IF you thought I was going to curl up and face the wall? Puhleeze!

It's a new year and a whole new attitude!

Suffice it to say, I have missed all of you and I hope you will find your way back to moi!

I will be stopping by to say 'hello' and hope to get My version of the FBI's Most Wanted List (fav bloggers).
Dare to leave me a message if you care...
ox lulu
p.s.  no, that's not me on the Header, it is....Patsy of course!