Friday, January 29, 2010

Pickled Hens of Ponte Vedra....THE REST OF THE BROOD

So, when I left off last time we met the following hens:  Idaho, NinaZenaMontana and MimiMacrame.
Allow me to introduce to you...

Our girl is the spittin' image of Grace Kelly.  Hence the nom de guerre.  Yes.  It is warfare here in the her little world.  You see Grace is fighting her worst enemies. See below.  I don't know who is worse off from the fallout: her, the driving public or me.

Grace is elegant, poised, extremely genteel, intelligent and a wonderful friend.  She does not do the following well. at. all.

DRIVING:  as in a car...anywhere...especially I-285 in Atlanta akaThe Perimeter. I routinely receive phone calls from the road.  I cannot repeat the content as I would be shut down.   (For the record, Idaho, a native Atlantan,  NEVER went outside of 285 until she had to come to my house (free drinks!) 8 yrs ago.  It is considered OTP and undesirable on certain internet match sites OTP=outside the perimeter). BUT I DIGRESS....

TRAFFIC.  as in a car driving..anywhere...especially I-285, fashionable Dunwoody, Buckhead, her neighborhood. Grace too is native and continues to RANT about the time she rode her horse on Peachtree Dunwoody Road...blahblahblah.  I receive even more irate calls on this subject.  sigh.

OVEN CLEANING.  I so wish I had been at her house when this happened.  She was going to bake a poundcake and lots and lots of smoke starting coming out of the oven.  So much smoke that she called 911.
weeelllllllll....2 battalions showed up at her hacienda, swarming all over it like ants on a dropped ho-ho.  the CHIEF walked into the house. and alledgedly this is the way it went:  

CHIEF:  ma'am, where is the fire?
Grace:   ooh, it's in the oven.  I can't open the door or the flames will shoot out!
Chief:   what were you doing?
Grace:  I was trying to bake a lemon pound cake.  All I did was turn on the oven and it started to flame!!!!
**at this point the CHIEF TURNS OFF THE OVEN(!!!!!), opens the door, looks inside and then says:
" Ma'am....have you EVER HEARD OF CLEANING YOUR OVEN???????"
Grace:  You have to clean them?!
***It took her 3 days to tell me and she was oh so casual '''oh did I tell you what happened last week?..."
HORMONES.  This is a blog all on its own.  Trust me.  You will be rewarded for waiting. Promise.

AND now.....

BLONDIE.  She is an adorable brunette with lovely reddish highlights.  A MASTER OF HER UNIVERSE.  But really should have been born blonde.
Blondie is married to Chester.  He is a lifelong friend of Idaho.  I met Chester way back when (again last century)and became friends.  He wisely married Blondie.  We have come to love her even though she comes to the party later (along with Mimi Macrame..they are un-joined cojoined twins). We refer to them as the GLIMMER TWINS.  The tales will follow in another post.

BLondie is funny.  She has a very high powered job, two lovely children, wonderful husband (Chester) and is a big hearted, warm and caring SWEetheart.  She is very very wacky and very blond....
On one of her first visits to PV we had a 'rain event' which kept us indoors most of the time.  Idaho kept the Weather Channel on 24hrs so as not to miss a moment's news. 
Blondie comes in from the rain on the first day and hears the TV.  It is the weather channel's computer-driven voice that used to give the Local weather (1990s technology).  with MUCH SURPRISE IN HER VOICE SHE EXCLAIMS:::::  "ooh, look they have the same Russian guy giving the weather like he does back in Atlanta..."                   ohhhhhh.............Idaho breaks out the blender and we get to work.

Blondie and her Sleeping Habits:  she doesn't EVER GET UNDER THE COVERS. EVER. She is the perfect houseguest.  No, don't bother with changing the sheets, I never even made it to pulling back the covers....has anyone seen my Excedrin?...." more on THAT later too.

BLondie is enthusiastic:  Once, at a U2 concert she was singing and clapping and dancing.  She poked the person in front of her on the back and urged them to .."get up, c'mon you guys, get up and dance..." 
oooooohhhhh...she was standing in front of the HANDICAPPED, WHEELCHAIR-bound glad it was dark and loud.  we don't think anyone heard her. much.

I have more on BLondie and Grace. 
Me you ask?  Oh, I just go for the fellowship and good book reading.  I pale in comparison to my very glamrous friends.  No need to hear about me. Not. at. all.
Glad you stopped by.....xo

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like quite the mix...shaken not stirred!
    But you don't get off that easy...put Patsy on the keyboard...I want dirt and lots of it! Blackmail, baby cakes, blackmail!