Thursday, January 21, 2010

New Year's Resolutions After the Fact...

Greetings, Blogistas!  I know it's the 21st of January(it is, isn't it?)but I just needed to put this out there.  I do not like resolutions.  To me they say "oh c'mon, you don't really mean to stop cussing, drinking or save money?!  And those of you who know me or of me just a bit understand my dilemma.  It all started three weeks ago......(This is where the scene fades to black and ominous-sounding music pipes up.)

Monday, January 4th.
Dear Diary, Well today I woke up feeling much improved.  My cold is almost gone.  I felt so giddy that I decided to do LAUNDRY! YAY!  Just like my mommy taught me I separated the darks, colors and whites.  I was so excited to get started that I put all the darks in the basket and scurried downstairs to my destiny.  I DID NOT STOP AND HAVE COFFEE.   (scary music starts up again here).

10 minutes into my nirvana-esque morning I decide to call Anne on my cell phone.  Hmmm, it isn't in the kitchen.  It isn't in the bedroom or bathroom.  So, calmly I retrace my steps. 
...let's see, I separated clothes, loaded the darks in the basket, put my phone on top of clothes, went downstairs, loaded clothes, turned on washer...w-w-ait, put

I am now in front of my fancy-pants washing machine.  I hear a soft thud-thud-thud.  I run back upstairs.  no phone.  I run back downstairs.  Thud-thud-thud.  uh oh.  I call my phone.  IT GOES DIRECTLY INTO VOICEMAIL.  eeeeeeeillllllllllw.

BUT YOU ARE SAYING...lulu...just open the lid!  CAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T.  I just had to have a front end loader to save energy, water, efficiency. blah blah blah.  The damn machine won't unlock that door for anybody, anything or national emergency. grrr.

Diary, at this point I calmly get dressed and go to the bank.  Surely I am in a parallel universe.  I wouldn't be so BLONDE as to wash my phone, would I and then just carry on? 

20 minutes later I come home and the cycle is over.  I cautiously open the door pulling out my running tights, socks and MY $%*&%$ phone!  It is soooo clean.  I see water inside of the screen.  It won't turn on.
At least it was black and I washed it on the proper temperature would be proud.

I look at my phone and shrug my shoulders.  There is nothing in the world I can do.  I put on my CLEAN running tights and suit up.  I go to the gym (my new favorite place with my new favorite TRAINER.  more on him later) and work out.  I don't cry, I don't cuss, I don't attempt to kick a wall, I don't even try and run over anyone on the road.  I just breathe.

After my 4 mile run I drive to the AT&T store.  I calmly walk in and declare my phone is d-e-d, ded.  When the clerk finally picks herself off of the floor from hysterical fits of laughter I quietly ask her if the SIM card is viable.  It is RIGHT THERE AND THEN that I break a resolution from every year prior since I can remember.....I opted to BUY UP. 
Can you say iPhone??  This is totally cool.  I don't care (much) if someone steals my wallet and credit cards BUT I PITY THE FOOL WHO WOULD STEAL MY iPHONE.  Do you know one can download a SHOTGUN app for free?  You just shake it up/down to load and then point and shoot!!!!  Don't get all righteous on me.  It is very gratifying.  IT HAS SOUND EFFECTS TOO just in case you didn't get my drift...keeeerPOWW

OKAY... so the first resoltion is to RESPOND NOT REACT.  I think I did that very well, don't you?  Actually, it is the only resolution I have.  It lends itself to so many different scenarios.  And I had so many situations last year which I could have RESPONDED instead of REACTED using my friend. So next time I do something bone-headed or someone annoys the vinegar out of me I will just get out my iPhone, shake it up and down and point!  Problem solved!  yay.
HAPPY NEW YEAR and yippeee Kai-aaay ox


  1. Lock and load baby cakes! I only have three other words for you...Get A Housekeeper! You're too cute to be doing laundry!

  2. You know, iphones rock and being blonde sucks at times. I KNOW, I have and am both! I too have the front loading machine, totally bitchin until you need to STOP them. There IS a way, I'm told, that you can stop them. But being "blonde", I haven't figured that one out yet. I too maybe have to download a SHOTGUN app, as it would come in handy from time to time!
    Take care, Sue

  3. You ran 4 miles? I knew you were tiny. Now you exercise, too? Tell us more about your trainer. And the shotgun download? LOVE IT! I imagine by the time I "accidently" wash my phone, I'll be ready for an upgrade, too. Hmmm. Maybe the laundry is calling...~Mindy

  4. Well, first of all, I was having trouble concentrating on your wonderful post, because I kept staring at that sexy girl on the left column of your blog. I was freaking out about the thing between her legs! I finally figured out it was a mirror! Whew! :)

    I am very proud of you...not for running and working out...that makes me sick...but for not kicking the dog out of your washer! Way to go, girlfriend!

    Walk...don't run...don't overreact...just walk slowly to your IPhone and download Aim and Fire! Quite addictive and good target practice...much better than shooting loved ones!

    Your blog is looking wondermous!

  5. Maybe a machine gun or grenade launcher app for those troubled commutes. Or better yet, no apps, just the real thing.

  6. God forbid a CAT or some other animal were to get in your washing machine!!

    You would have to take a sledgehammer to the front to save their life!!

    Then I had to check out the girl on the right, the one with the mirror, after reading Malisa's comment. WHAT????

    I'm blond too so I can relate, cept for the fact I would have been cussing and beating the crap out of the washing machine!

    Kuddos on working out though!

    Lou Cinda :)

  7. Oh no, the law better keep an eye on you! I can just read the headlines now... you can fill in the blanks. Glad you are back in blogland! I do have the egg cups, I'll email you later today.

  8. have you thanked yourself yet for that washing mishap? love, love, love my iPhone! for me, upgrade it, supersize it, enlarge it, tack it on....more IS better!